The Things We Know For Sure

The American Declaration of Independence refers to certain truths as ''self-evident,'' and with that statement endeavoured to indeed make them so. It is my personal theory, though, that humans are hard-wired to hold some things to be self-evident without even realizing it, which is why I love the term so much.

I'm embarrassed to say it's taken me far too long to get past my self-righteousness and stop judging the local ways of doing things -- or at least to realize that people are only doing what they truly, deeply believe to be correct. Since the instant I arrived in Turkey, for example, one sweltering August day three-and-a-half years ago, women have been telling me to wear some kind of undershirt or badi (body suit that snaps shut under the crotch, much like a baby's onesie) under my t-shirt, so that if I bend over and my bare lower back is exposed, I won't catch cold.

Likewise, I'd always noticed that Turkish children seem to be over-dressed, to the point that they must surely be sweating under all those layers. Now with a baby of my own, I have been criticized more times than I can count for under-dressing him and putting my son in danger of catching a cold. I've discussed this with Turkish friends and doctors, and they agree this belief is a problem -- over-heating is far more dangerous for a baby than being a little cold.

Yet no doctor can seem to convince these women otherwise; one doctor even told me that some mothers prevent him from undressing their babies for a proper physical examination, so afraid are they that the baby will freeze. And I must add here -- we are on the Mediterranean, where even in the depths of winter, it doesn't get below zero degrees Celsius!

The list goes on: my cleaning lady actually prefaced her erroneous advice by saying in a hushed tone that she knew the doctors would disagree, but I should ignore them and listen to her: giving my 3-day-old son sugar water would prevent jaundice. One woman told me onion produces breast milk, another bulgur. Another told me to bind my baby's legs tightly to ensure they'll turn out straight.

My response over the years to these Turkish people has ranged from snooty aren't-they-ignorant trash talking behind their backs, to exasperatedly trying to explain the error of their ways. Neither of which I'm proud of. I eventually got to the point where I am now, which is simply politely nodding. Most of the time.

But what I've only recently come to realize is that these people are simply passing on what they truly believe to be self-evident; they cannot fathom that their knowledge may be incorrect.

And to make matters worse, it's dawned on me that I too may be wrong about some things! I went into my delivery convinced I wanted an epidural. A few days later, though, I watched Ricki Lake's documentary The Business of Being Born, and realized that I'd based that decision on a one-sided presentation of how births should be done, namely the North American medical industry's point-of-view.

One's culture clearly has the ability to instill deep beliefs that one holds as self-evident and doesn't question. Which leads me to ask, what else may I be wrong about?

Birth in Turkey

I won't post my entire birth story here, but I do want to write a little about my experience giving birth in a Turkish hospital -- although I must qualify the following by saying that I'm sure a dozen different women at a dozen different hospitals throughout Turkey would have a dozen different experiences; I can't claim my experience was typical.

I can say that I had moments during labour and in the days after the birth where I thought, next time I'm going back to Canada to have my baby! But before I get into the things I didn't like about my birth experience, I'll just say that I'm so proud of myself for having given birth naturally; I'm so in love with my son; and the whole experience was pretty incredible!

Now on to the negatives:

• THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL! This is no small complaint. It had been on my birth plan; my doctor hadn't said anything about it being a problem; yet the doctor on duty (of course I went into labour in the middle of the night!) said they ''don't do'' epidurals with vaginal births. What??!! I think what he meant to say, was that the anesthesiologist only works from 9-5. Lesson learned: make sure your hospital is big enough to meet your needs. I was fooled by my hospital's shiny newness and modernity (each doctor had his own Doppler ultrasound machine in his office!)**


• The nurses didn't seem to have consistent procedures in place. A few hours after giving birth, I fainted and threw up after getting out of bed for the first time to go to the bathroom. The nurse's first comment was, ''Haven't you eaten anything since the delivery?'' No one told me to!


• No one came to systematically teach me anything about breastfeeding or otherwise caring for my baby; no one checked in to see whether breastfeeding was happening at all. (It wasn't.) At one point, a nurse peered into the bassinet and casually remarked that I should be putting my baby to sleep on his side, not on his back. I was overcome with horror that I'd been doing something wrong! Again, why didn't anyone tell me that from the start?

In summary, my husband and I were left to flounder as newbie parents for the first few days, until we figured things out on our own. I relied heavily on my What to Expect books, emails and phone calls to friends back in Canada, and my in-laws. But more often than not, their advice conflicted with something someone else had said, and we just had to figure things out on our own. The ''customer service'' aspect of my delivery was awful, and my theory is that local women rely so much on the support of the women in their family, that the nurses and midwives don't even bother saying anything; they just assume you're getting enough help and advice from other sources.

My advice to other expat women: speak to other expats who've delivered babies in your area so you can learn from their 'mistakes.' Better yet, if at all possible, find a doctor who's delivered other foreign women!

**A few days after giving birth I watched the documentary The Business of Being Born, which made me, in retrospect, glad I didn't have an epidural. Still, I think a woman who requests one, should be able to have one; I was extremely stressed out about going all natural during labour!